Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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