when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
