your thong is hanging out like whoa
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
