he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
