I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
