Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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