The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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