yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
