I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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