do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
