Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
