They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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