My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
