I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
