I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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