I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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