I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
