You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
