My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
