if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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