my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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