Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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