So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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