We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hippo gnu deer
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
