Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Come share oat with me in your robe
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dicks are not precious.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
