But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
