somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
