I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
