i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
