I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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