what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
