went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
