I have demons in me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
