How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
