I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The struggles of a small town man whore
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
