Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
