my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
