Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
