Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
