and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
