I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
