Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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