im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
