I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
