How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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