so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
