I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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