I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
