There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
a search helicopter?!
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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