Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
