Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
