Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
